I remember a few years back when a young lady I knew hopped in one of my conversations I was having on a Facebook group. It was about Feminism and how it was failing young boys of our generation. She, a stark raving feminist wanted to prove that women can do anything that men can do, and that equality should be the striving goal. An admirable quest mind you, if not tainted and co-opted by big business and finance.
Buuuut that is an entirely separate issue. Maybe a post for another day.
The page I was on was quite the anti-woman page; scarred autistics boys’ mothers and dads that had been given the shit end of the stick in divorce court. Sometimes you can get lost on social media and it can appear that everyone is the way that you think they are — the friends that you make and the connections you foster only bolden those ideals by keeping you in your little “cove” of shelteredness.
Admiringly she was met with not hatred, but explanations; mostly from scarred mums who have had autistic boys and the kinds of confusion that can lead to. Awkwardness, not knowing where to look, appearing creepy to women that don’t understand or know. I was impressed. The page was not handling her with contempt, but more so education. Something we should all strive for.
Sadly my friend doubled down and this, calling all these weird and creepy guys perverts for doing such things, not really understanding the plight of the autistic male and the strangeness that appears when everyone else seems normal and getting on with it.
I mean I don’t blame her of course, she’s a woman, and I’ve known women to double down on their bullshit even if it wrecks them in the process — my wife is no exception. I laugh at this because despite her faults, and her doubling down, she’s beautifully imperfect. And that’s the way I like it. I’m no can of perfection myself, and have been known to wind her up for the sake of winding her up.
I don’t think she meant it, knowing my friend her vibes were only good ones even if she didn’t really understand what she was talking about, and her only issue was fighting for the rights of women, even if she doesn’t really understand it fully. A noble cause. Even if she found herself biting off more than she can chew.
But that brings me into the wider topic of – where the hell did we go wrong? I’m Autistic and I’ve only been met with grace, courtesy and help. The women (or most) of the women I have met in my life have only really wanted to help me in some way or another, despite my obvious troubles in the past with females.
There was no such thing as an incel when I was young. We rightly so recognised that men needing some help in the dating arena needed some help and society was generally kind to these men, albeit not through great advice but people helped and tried. People cared. People genuinely cared for their fellow human.
I like to write about incels a lot because I genuinely think they are the biggest misunderstood section of society in this world right now. And rather than attempt to understand them we tend to shit on them from a great height. When I was young we were all friends with young awkward men and we helped them, or awkward men had friends they could rely on and helped them get a foot in the dating door.
We never genuinely think about this but who have largely been then men all through society that have struggled with social queues and weirdness? Autistic men.
It’s like we have abandoned them. We’ve left them behind. The ones that struggled to make sense of life and move with the fast paced world of technology are now finding themselves with other men that struggle to meet other women and are rightly so turning bitter and hateful because of the world that has rejected them.
Oh sure, we help them as kids. We really help them as kids, but when was the last time you talked to an Autistic adult? We pack them off on their merry way and expect them to function as normal people.
Well, unfortunately, I’ve got bad news for you.
I was lucky to not go the same way. I mean I could have. If I had never read, “No more Mr Nice Guy” by Dr Glover I’d probably be throwing “delusional women” tinder shots to my friends as I find some of my other autistic brethren doing who were part socialised in my era but never quite made the cut.
It’s hard out there you know?
And yet I find myself sympathising with the female side too. I mean it’s not their job to baby another man into this world and teach him what to do. Half of these men are getting advice from absolute idiots like Andrew Tate that talk about polygamy and multiple women, and that it’s in our innate biology, and women should be just okay with the status quo.
But let’s be real, that isn’t what women are, and as a society we’ve progressed from the stone age. It’s not her job just to give you sex because you’re a man, that would be downright stupid and a totally creepy. I do also listen to a lot of female influencers that say men have told them that they should be more open to the male plight, and that it can be lonely for a man.
And he’s not wrong, it can be lonely for a man, but we were built to be like this. We were built to throw ourselves on oncoming traffic to save the women and children. A man sacrifices himself for the family — this is how he shows love. A man’s duty is sacrifice. We sacrifice our time, money and effort so that our family can be fed, watered, and clothed. This is our lives, this is how we create happiness.
I’ll be real here I’d much rather be playing with my friend Alex right now, kicking his ass at Age of Empires IV, but this stuff has to be done so that I can put food on my table, and I’ll be even more real here, the effort makes me happy. More happier than I’d ever be playing games all day. In fact the last time I put on a game was at least a few weeks ago.
I entirely blame the internet right now though. It’s much easier to be a victim than do anything about it. That’s why we have incel forums. I have had the misfortune to browse a few and it’s mostly a bunch of really sad guys wallowing in their pity. I’ve never been a fan of that. I’ve never been a victim.
Everyone is a victim these days. It’s just much easier to be one than not.
Poor me, I can’t do anything. Society is against me because [insert brand of victimhood / social oppression].
I could have easily been a victim. I grew up as an autistic male with mental health issues, communication issues, alcoholism and drug issues to one of the poorest council estates in my area. And that didn’t stop me clawing my way out. Because you couldn’t be a victim when I was young. They tell you to shut up and stop crying.
But that’s a no no in todays world. Can’t hurt the poor feely feels of the poor poor victims.
In case you didn’t wonder I’m using reverse psychology here. It’s a trick to coerce a reaction out of you and to make you think about what’s happening. I don’t really think it’s this bad — a side note for the perpetually offended.
It’s definitely a multi-faceted conundrum anyway, one that I’m not going to solve on my own with a mere blog post but I hope it does make some people think deeper about life!
Sometimes these thoughts have to come out, you know?
Peace out!
